The Tale of the Nightingale

Time and Tide

2012-01-30T09:15:00.000+08:00

This one is a forced literature. Haha. So I'll make it quick *wink*

1 month into Surgery.

I guess the air is stagnant. The waves are static. Any evolving changes? A big NO to that. Still am no fan of it. I once had a heart-to-heart conversation *cough* with a friend..

"Weh, masa hang Surgery hang enjoy dak?"

"Time aku dulu ada MO garang, tapi la ni dia takdak dah. Awat hang x enjoy ka?"

"Dak.." *poker-faced*

"Laa..awatnya.."

I am not going to disclose my reply to his last question for some reasons. Haha. I know I am difficult. But I guess some innate temperament are not to be tampered with. So I think I'll continue being difficult for now. I remembered once, during my 4th year study, when we were making group research..going into a kampong, in and out of strangers' houses collecting data. There was one paralyzed lad, in his early 30s, bed-ridden since his teenage years after a horrible MVA. He asked us our names..and attempted at gauging our personality just by that. After giving out mine, he took a good long look at me *sigh* and spurted, "Karniza...ni banyak pikir ni..". That literally took me aback and I managed a half-hearted smile. Dumbfounded I was. Darn it. Why is this stranger know me more than I do myself?!

Maybe it's just his luck at guessing. Maybe.

So anyway..

Mama and her BPPV. Today she seems better. Ayah went to ENT Clinic this morning. Get them to review her previous records and prescribed her the same meds she was dosed before.

Today will take Rhesus out for a spin. A wash, too maybe.

We'll see.

So I supposed this will be all. Maybe I should stop writing for a while..I think I'm giving myself away too much already *grin*

The Mechanic

2012-01-26T11:05:00.002+08:00

Things may have gotten out of their due spots. But it’s okay, now that they are finally coming back together again. Sometimes, we may have spoken harsh words, sometimes I might have hurt you, too. We are flawed but that isn’t a fair excuse, is it?

Maybe this is selfish, thinking I really am worth the long wait. I know things haven’t been working out the way you have drafted before but do have faith. Years passed. Another one or two surely wouldn’t make any difference, right? Unless if you find yourself gravitates elsewhere? *sigh*

To mend the once broken is never an easy task at hand. We may eventually give up halfway through it, we may cease to believe.

I see you keep your options open.

So I guess I’ll keep mine, too.

Boleh like this?

P/S: Not enjoying surgical. Full-stop. *hmph!*

P/P/S: Jauhara, I am guilty for intruding your tumblr site *wink* Worse still, hijacking your medley of quotes ;) The temptation is too great, overpowering the weakling me! I really do miss our casual talks, I mean, only selectable clan can withstand my profuse inquisitions on almost everything..Huu. There is no second Jauhara so I guess I need to learn to stop asking too much T_T

Muse No More

2012-01-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

Slithering around you have been

Pretending to care, well you did

How you disappoint me in so many ways..

Nautical

2012-01-22T19:06:00.001+08:00

My 72-hour journey of seeking solace is bound to end soon. All in all..I had only tons of fun! Family trip is always the greatest! And Khalis, congratulations! It still is a little depressing that you got married before I do. Huu. I find myself running away from people every now and then. I just can't stand another 'U punya majlis bila pula?'.

*facepalm*

Khalis + Ili

Pardon the bad quality picture

Anyway, we had a series of shopping sprees there! I supposed I'll just let the pictures do all the talking..;)

And to the Underwater World we went!

Can I not go to work tomorrow?

Generic

2012-01-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

3 weeks into Surgery.

Felt like 3 years already *sigh*

I figured something out during my past 3 weeks into this cruel-er environment..

Not into surgical-based anymore. I know that now.

Weird, it is.

Surgery was one of my best-performed postings during my student years.

*shrugs*

Probably because Pikah and Ila aren't here with me anymore, everything (or rather everyone) just seems so..distant. At times I just can't help feeling disconnected. My brain recently has developed the tendency to shut down and shove off everything from its processing storage. I'd go mental-blank for a quick lapse. Eventually I learned to just not care. I do hope for a better change. But unfortunately, I have nothing else to do except to buy more time..at least until Surgical posting ends..

Say in another 3 months or so?

*snort*

Off Beat

2012-01-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."
William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

Not sure why I posted this *shrugs* I just feel like to.

Anyway..

Been busy counting days..May all ends well ;) There are just so many things that I want to do. Unlucky me, still waiting for time and tide..

My violin is rotting inside the case. Hmph.

The Blind End

2012-01-02T12:53:00.000+08:00

I can't help but feeling..out of character. This is not me. I am a rebel, always. A follower to none. I can't live a strict schedule, or I'll break and torn and drained. Like I am, now. I am re-living yesterday today and no doubt, tomorrow is just another today. Everything is just orchaestrated in a dull, boring plots; waking up feeling dread, going to work, work like an ant, go back home, have sips of TV commercials before going to bed, rest the head, waking up dreadful again. Vicious cycle it is, again and again. Lucky I am home. Or else I would've gone insane. Phew~

Can I just wake up in somebody else's shoes tomorrow? Can I wake up being able to do whatever I want? Can I just take days and days off and have a vacation, away from this wasted land?

Lo and behold! So the truth be told.

Money is just isn't everything.

It never is..

P/S: Surgeons are akin to peacock's arrogant breed. Period.

24-H to Self

2011-12-31T07:47:00.000+08:00

My tagging period in Surgery ended with a Bangladeshi having massive upper GI bleed. Emergency endoscopy was done during which two pints of packed cell were run. I was given credit for setting up one large-bore cannula for one of the blood bag. Hee. So far, so good, ey.

Upon joining the Surgical Team, I've to admit feeling nothing but numb. Everything is new. The setting is different, the atmospheric pressure is more tense. Less chit-chatting and giggling, yes. Everything is just too foreign for the timid self. Thankfully, the MOs are too kind, making me feel more at home. Slowly adapting, I am. Had gone into 3 appendectomy OT cases for 3 days in a row (when I haven't learn scrubbing properly yet) Huahua..

Somehow, it just felt like setting branula in adults is waaayyyy easier than those of babies. Hee. Never failed any yet (for now).

Alhamdulillah ;) Somehow I know that Allah is always around, watching me, guiding me.

So friends, be honest in your every deeds.

If those people around you never appreciate your work, screw them..you know He does.

My Last Call

2011-12-15T19:35:00.000+08:00

Hee.

Today is my last AM/N shift, in fact, is my last off-working hours shift for Paediatrics posting. Will drive back to HTF by 12am tonight for my last 7 hours before I am officially done with double shifts. My AM shift today was..pretty something. Went to casualty for a premature delivery at 25 weeks (baby was delivered there!), make myself useful to anchor the ETT and other basic stuff. And the MO let me insert the little baby's UVC! Hee! Went back to NICU before being called again to labor room to find myself admitting another baby to NICU for poor cry with congested face, Apgar given by O+G Team was 7 at 1 min. The baby's crying amplitude abruptly improved once been placed under the radiant warmer in NICU..sheesh!

Sometime in between, was called to Ward 7 to clerk a 4-month old infant with left neck swelling. History is more suggestive of lymphadenitis post-vaccination. All in all, it was a fun AM shift. But I am hoping for a more calm, and peaceful night shift tonight. Huu..

Wish me luck! =)

Rant After 3

2011-12-01T02:31:00.003+08:00

3 months into Paeds posting, I have been well. I learn few things here and there, I abide to new rules and ways, I play along with the game. I thought the last 3 weeks would be like another sip of chocolate milk..until today. For the first time ever since I started working, I have now successfully revive the old me. The me who I used to be back during my student days. The me who is grumpy and particular and cynical and dictatorian. The me who wants things to go her way and nothing but her way.

My judgments are now hammered and plastered and secured well.

My patience is of narrow practical index. When I deemed someone as being incompetent and slow and being a liability to me..you're done. Too bad that I have no other choice but to endure the rage till the finishing line. Let's just hope my sanity does not wears off till then. I am no kickass excellent houseman, I have my own limitations. But I always pay attention to my do and deeds, and most importantly, to improve myself with every passing day. I might have raised my voice at few spots here and there, but that was my rage speaking out. When the limbs are limp, it's time for the subconscious feel to take over and speak up the once hidden. That's why..things happen.

So yeah. Things happened.

Into the Distance

2011-11-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

Quite comfortable now in my 3rd month of this new transit :)

I haven't been writing as regular as I once did anymore. I wonder why.

The drive is almost extinct though my everyday life is full with dramas worth writing. My grandmother is currently warded for right leg cellulitis. She was kept in ICU overnight after she passed out in ward with bouts of coffee-ground vomitus. A known hypertensive for years with borderline renal function. At 82, she is still strong, both physically and verbally *chuckles* until now. But she is recovering well. Hopefully she'll be out and about soon enough.

My first week being in-charge of NICU. The atmosphere is more tense and..boring as compared to the general ward and SCN. Enjoying thus far? Not really. I'd prefer being in clinic than sitting around in NICU, waiting for minutes to pass by.

Logbook is such a liability.

I am going to Surgical Dept. next.

Surgeons, be nice! *wink*

Satiety

2011-10-26T14:01:00.003+08:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. Working life is indeed..different. We are our own navigator cruising through the sea of life. The water may be harsh at times but as long as we keep being in control, together with the trusted crews, InsyaAllah everything will eventually make their rightful turns and twists. New friends are made over time. We have more housemen now in our department. And because of that, it has been a while since I last clerked a case, since I last wrote a discharge summary for OPD patients, since I last pricked a child who got admitted. Hee. But I'll have my EOD oncall for tomorrow and this coming Saturday. So we'll see about that. Logbook is such a hassle.

Anyway, I've done my first Case-based Discussion (on a case of FTT and cleft lip/palate) and CME (on AGE). Alhamdulillah everything went well despite the fact I have always hated speaking in public. My adrenaline pumps are just too much to take at times. But let bygones be bygones and just move on. My unfinished business are there waiting up front.

My first ever salary just sets in roughly a week ago. I've spent almost RM 3k since! Hahaha..need to watch out my spending habit closely next month xD

The road is still long ahead. Pray for my success, tau! *winked*

Child's Play, It's Not

2011-09-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

2 weeks in Paediatrics.

Currently, have been freed from tag-calls. Awaiting real on-calls starting this coming Monday! *fidgets*

2 weeks into the real world. 2 weeks spent toying around with parents' complaints and flooding concerns. 2 weeks worth of proving self-worth. It is never easy to feed others' expectations, let alone yourselves'. I have always been the one who are always on the go. There's always something in my head, big or small. I enjoy learning things anew, I crave for memorable experiences. But bad teachers never fail to dampen my spirit and loosen my strings. When rocks suddenly appear on my route, I tend to make a pause and recollect my steps before, wondering which step has it been wrong. But most of the time, I would console the poor kid inside me, promising self that there are just things beyond our power. So just go with your instincts. And pray to Allah to be with you, to keep you strong.

No, it's not the pressure of being a houseman. It's the weight I carry for being me. And for having famous parents.

One of the first few things that I learnt thus far since I started working is the cruel environment. The medical personnels are quick in passing judgments. Worst still, they spread words more lethal than Ebola, more rapid than airborne transmission. There might be some truth in what they're saying but at times it does seem like they're feeding each other's ego by bad-mouthing others. I often remind myself to not be like them. To not be one of them. And I am still trying..

*shrugs*

Eid Mubarak

2011-08-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf zahir dan batin

I am down with flu since morning of Eid.

Tagcall mode tomorrow. I have another 4 cycles to complete!

*blunted affect*

Breather

2011-08-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

This is the first time ever I am home by 1 pm. We were all put into tag-call mode EOD since we stepped foot into the Paeds Department, HTF. So in simpler words, if we were to be tagged call today, we'll only be allowed home after 5 pm the next day! Phew. The long sleepy hours were spent clerking new cases, pricking SCN babies for SBV, FBC and/or ABO/Rh/Coombs. We are also in-charge on NICU and SCN wards altogether. We learn a great deal about fluid therapy to be given to these poor babies/children. Most of the time, it requires good memory and simple mathematical skills, which an oxygen-deprived brain will require more time to process the input. Te-hee. At SCN, we are expected to memorize the limit of the deemed normal SBV level and act accordingly; increase intensity of photo, discharge to mother etc. Most of the MOs are very nice though a few act like a know-it-all wizard. Pfft. It's even more difficult when you are carrying your parents good names all around the hospital and people are expecting more and more of you everyday. Tiring it still is.

We will also be called to the labour room or O.T to resuscitate newborns. Yesterday, we received a new case for admission for macrosomic baby (BW - 4.25 kg) and a case of transient tachypnea of newborn. Of which will again be reviewed in the ward. Oh and we have a baby in SCN with a sacral pit but both lower limbs are moving actively. Great learning experience has this 1 week been to us. And we are beyond doubt, exhausted. Not forgetting our everyday routine of writing discharge summary and TCA notes.

Nevertheless, we are truly grateful we have our family 5 minute away from the hospital!

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Paediatrics is fun!

And Everything Else

2011-08-22T20:07:00.000+08:00

Here goes nothing!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Security of the Future

2011-08-20T06:09:00.000+08:00

Pak Tam, the kitten and his Mama

Induction program was hectic. They basically crammed everything in this 4-day course. Being a government servant comes with all these perks and a lot of filing and documentation too. I have also received my official placement letter.

HOSPITAL TUANKU FAUZIAH (HTF)

So my good people. I guess I'll be around..in the hospital at least. Will be joining the crew this coming Monday 22nd. In the first month of working, we are not entitle for work excuses, so that means Raya with the sick for us. A handful of us are placed in HSB, Malacca and Ampang. Good luck my fellow colleagues.

Our path diverge today. May we all be blessed with His Mercy and may we churn out to be the best among the best!

Jia you!

Tick Tock!

2011-08-11T06:22:00.002+08:00

Locate Pak Tam!

Holidays have been really fun. Boring sometimes. But mostly, fun. InsyaAllah will head to KL in the morning on the 16th for the induction program. It's a 4-day preparatory course for us before we are to report duty to the allocated hospital. Now is the most appropriate time to scream around pulling hairs. This can't be happening, this can't be happening! Oh wait, it is! Darn.

My youngest brother is developing android games. Programming is just one of his best forte. So I was summoned to aid his quest. Being a doting older sister that I am..I did, a little bit here and there. Mostly with the character drawings. The demo version is out and you can download it to your phone and give it a spin. The link can be be found in the button to the right side. CLICK NOW! Haha. Oh by the way, it's his first attempt, so be kind ~~or I'll hunt you down~~ *wink*

I am no pro at this. Photoshop deserves all the credit for later improvement!

Thank you, Photoshop! You're the best! Haha

I have promised myself earlier that the flesh will be forced to revise med books once I have received the induction letter. It has been days now and the books are still away from my reach. Haha.

Janji tinggal janji

Then and Now

2011-08-04T09:47:00.000+08:00

So, they are finally out of the box. The little kittens have started weaning few days ago with Whiskas Junior. Harhar. Lately there isn't anything much to share. Winds of change will come about in a couple of weeks. I am going to live in a new pair of shoes soon. Hopefully I'll be able to adapt well. And fast. Luxury in the comfort of home. Ah, how I wish I never have to leave it behind and hit reality.

Life is too short to play around and have too much fun. It's time to get all serious and all business!

Anyway..

One fine day I was looking out the back door and caught myself shocked. Slowly, I drew my handphone out from the pocket and Ka-chik!

Yeah, my backyard is an urban jungle

See ya, later!

Need a Break!

2011-07-25T15:01:00.000+08:00

Too frustrated to stay around facebook.
And I thought these people are professionals!

Well, they just proved me wrong. Pfft.

The Deserted One

2011-07-13T22:52:00.001+08:00

2 weeks ago, a strayed little black kitten hit our doorstep. Ayah thinks someone left him at our gate. Thin and frail he was. Strange thing is, while most lost cats run away from people, this one doesn't. So we gave the kitten some Friskies biscuits. He smelt it, attempted to have a taste at it before he started playing with his food. We never had any more black cats since years and years ago. Our cats are mostly white with patches of black or with a black tail.. with black lines drawn out from their outer corner of the eyes. Well, they are descends from generations before. Not much variation seen in colours. So, when the black kitten arrives, his colour is good enough a reason to not be welcomed in the cats' family. Poor him. But he stayed anyway and started playing with our kittens, rakan sebaya gitu. Kids, what do they know about differences. Te-hee.

So, Black has now become a favourite in the household. Being playful and friendly that he is, he has indeed won his place to be inside the house. Our cats are normally named with weird names. And for most of the time, I was the one to be responsible for their silly names. Hahah! But the black kitten is called by various names by different people. Bibik would call him Black. I would call him Pak Tam..sometimes Nyaw Itam..haha! Ayah and Mama sometimes call him Pak Abu. Well, he's not as black as tar. More like ashes grey with spots of white in the neck.

Recently he has befriended Tok as well. If you can't find him in the kitchen or near the TV lounge, then there's a good chance he'll be with Tok!

Pak Tam pestering Tok. Caught red-handed!

Pak Tam fell asleep during Tok's daily ceramah routine. Can you even see Tok? She's literally swimming in between the pillows. Heu.

A good companion he is. The little black cat.

"Whatcha want?"

Attached to You

2011-07-11T11:30:00.000+08:00

No, this isn’t going to be a mellow prose. Don’t get jumpy, please *wink*

The entire house was out to Alor Star yesterday. Tok and Kak Nuri excluded. Well, it is the holiday Sunday for us and the first working days of the week for them. It’s perfect for Mama’s office-bound errands. We were here and there, to the SINGER sewing-machine repairing centre, to name one. It was a small space, at the back of the busy road. It’s like a deserted route where only few would walk the path. The owner is an old Chinese man. Old enough. Mama brought two of her machines to be upgraded. And Tayun was forced into a light labour, carrying them in and out and in again. Te-hee.

Young people today would not bother repairing this. He’s a real pro in what he does. My parents were literally singing praises of the old Chinese man. A man who’s so truthful to his job. So attached.

I hope someone in the future will remember me like the old Chinese man to my parents. I want to be attached to my job too! I want to be good!

Let us all be attached to our work. Whatever field that may be. Be a pro in it. Be good.

And be humble about it.

P/S: Tesco Alor Star is such a fine place!

P/P/S: Don't forget to check out my sister's business blog 'Cuties Rompers'. Heu.

Huiyoh!

2011-07-03T21:08:00.001+08:00

Finally here. It feels forever since I last updated the blog. Hu~

So what have I been doing lately?

I am being a good sister. I am the good grandchild. I am the good daughter, sometimes. Most of the time, I am just the rebellious, know-it-all, angsty teen. A teen, I still am. I think.

I have been busy updating my sister's blogshop. She is working as an administrative officer in SEGI College in Kota Damansara and juggles her little business in between, selling branded babies' rompers here. I have been promoting her blogshop around too. Hehe. And you guys already should have known the little campaign I put up for my little brother's Score A Program, right? That too, caused me to lobby my uncle and cousins and good friends around to help spread the word. Hehe. Maybe I should have just threatened them into it!

During the night, I am constantly on YouTube. Looking for good Islamic preachings to be downloaded for my grandmother. Since she has been bed-bound for more than a couple of months ago, I decided to get her some entertainment. She does have all the time in the world. And good thing is, she's enjoying it! Currently, she is on daily dose of Ustaz Kazim's ceramahs. He's good. Well, at least he speaks in our northern dialect..and being asabiyah that I am, he is an easy pick!

I have 4 new kittens! 2 days old today! Later will upload the picture..I think they're too young for cameras. Hehe. And Mama Meow is now turning into a fierce lioness. Hu~

Now that I have more time to waste, I find myself enjoying reading newspapers! That is indeed a rarity. Haha. The current air is jammed with the BERSIH rally. I supposed everybody has at least heard of it *Sigh* I just hope none of you guys out there decided to be the jumping monkeys joining the campaign. Stop being used. We can NEVER make a 100% corruption-proof government. Humans are created to be greed. Us, being the common citizen..we live in a comfortable home. We have our families. We have a job. We have a stable market. Sort of. Why are they people who want to go about the city and make a fuss about those people who misuse their power? Let them be. They shall pay their toll later. We are at peace now. Why are you waging wars? Definitely, without a doubt, the BERSIH people demanded all the rightful things..the should-be ways, but we are not living in an ideal world. That can never be achieved! Not even with new sets of people who you think could do a better job.

People need to stop pretending like they care that much.

Score A! For Your Younger Sibs!

2011-06-23T21:20:00.001+08:00

Okay, this is purely a promotional campaign.

The bee who scored an A+

My brother has recently decided to join the program..as a distributor. So being a good, supportive sister that I am, here comes the salesgirl me.

Basically the program is intended for the school-goers. So, yes..for you who are reading - parents, college-goers, penganggurers..you must have someone in your family who is still schooling. So, please continue your reading!

Score A is an online tutorial program for the school-going children. The syllabus are constructed to be compatible with the standard preaching at schools, so fret not. In our world today, I truly understand how hard it is to get those kids sit calmly at the table and open up their books. So, encourage them to be online! And take part in the Score A Program!

But I have to warn you that it is indeed a little bit pricey. A starting price of RM 348 for 6 months worth of access (inclusive registration fees). It is really reasonable if their slip exams really do turn out with nothing but As. Huhu.

But let the money stay aside and let them study and just have fun with it!

http://score-a-forall.blogspot.com

P/S: Is this good enough? I really am no good at persuading people. I order them. *wink* So, BUY LA WEH! TUNGGU APA LAGI?! :-D

Oh, and by the way, this is their official website:

http://www.scorea.com.my

Randomness

2011-06-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

La la la..

I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually am bored at home. The first few days at home were fantastic. I actually spent a week or so to put down everything in order. Well, I did arrive in a complete mess, stuff stucked in boxes and bags and finally after everything have been sorted out..well, there's nothing more at hand for me to work on. So, I spent most of my waking hours with the TV or..it's equal alternative, the Internet.

Day 1 at home. This is 3/4 from the whole

When Tayun was around it was still fun. He loads me with animes and Japanese dramas on my hardrive and went back to KL after a couple of days. Now that I have finished rerunning the episodes, I am starting to miss him. Please come home with the sequels, okay?

Few days in KL before I was home-bound were also great. We stayed at Abang's and Kak Tini's place. With two nieces and two nephews, I've got to say my hands were full.

Asyraf Muazzam. My sister's youngest baby.

So, now that I am back at home I try not to pamper myself too much. There are few attempts made at suturing. Which lasted for what..3 days top? I just don't feel like doing my homework when I'm home. Gee, I just realized I have lost my motivation! And work has not even started yet! Pfft!

I'll get back to you guys tomorrow! Promise!!

And yeah, since my new toy is around too, I should be occupied, right? But that's not what happened. Ahh..I am so frustrated with self.

I am such a sloth!

Family Hut

2011-06-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

Mama, me and Tayun (my youngest brother)

And we finally went out for dinner. At last!

I am very good at manipulating people, am I not? Haha. Mama and Ayah repeatedly told us that such places (read: Pizza Hut, KFC) aren't the places for them anymore. Those are the hot spots for the youngsters, they say. People their age are only to be found in the comfort of their own homes, lazing lavishly in front of their TV watching HBOs. But what Karniza wants, Karniza gets. *evil laugh echoes*

Ah. Parents. What would we do without them :)

Tayun and Ayah. Did I ever mention Tayun got a BMW car as his graduation gift? Pfft!

Mamaku. I think I am starting to look more like you everyday. Heu.

So yeah. We dined at Pizza Hut. Poor service, as always. Probably that is a quality shared equally among all its outlets. Pfftt. That aside, we had a great time. The only one time we would sit together and talk is at meal time. And tonight's dinner is indeed, beyond doubt, clearly...a blast!

If only time stays for a while..

Painted Love

2011-06-11T20:54:00.005+08:00

Frustration, it is.

This feeling of being left behind from the entire pack.

This recluse I am trying hard not to be.

Sigh. This time around, I have missed ALL of my batch-mates wedding receptions. For very good reasons, really. So, I am writing this to channel away these waves of guilt before they eat me from within.

Congratulations, Fatin!!

You're indeed one very beautiful bride, no one would dare to argue :) I'm very sorry I couldn't make it to your wedding. Nevertheless, I wish you forever happiness in life and InsyaAllah the love you share will carry both of you to Jannah. Barakallahu lakuma!

Congratulations Taan & Zarol !!

Really sorry I wasn't there to attend your wedding reception despite the fact I was in KL. Family business. Always out here and there. Huhu. Both of you look very cute together. May both of you be blessed with cute kids soon! Hehe. Barakallahu lakuma!

Congratulations Paan & Nad !!

Wah, you people really caught me in surprised! How come you people get below the radar and tup-tup dah kawen? Hehe. Paan, jangan marah aku tak pi na..sungguh aku nak pi tau. Huhu. Barakallahu lakuma :)

Congratulations to Zaki and his lovely wife!!

Really sorry I wasn't able to attend your reception last week. May both of you be so blessed by Allah and may He ease your future journey together in life and Hereafter, InsyaAllah. Barakallahu lakuma :)

Congratulations Izzati & Paan Razak !!

A grand celebration, I must say :) Zati, the ever lovely lady! Looking forward for your northern reception. Hehe. Anyway, tak dapat kad untuk belah Paan pun? Huhu. Barakallahu lakuma :)

Congratulations to Farhanah Ibrahim and her husband :)
Congratulations to Rashdan Saad and his bride :)

Congratulations to Majidah Abd Rahman and her husband :)

P/S: Pictures credited to Awis Qarni, Zaki, Puteri and another someone I forgot. Hehe. Thanks to my library, the facebook!

Ahh..Leisure Days!

2011-06-09T13:07:00.001+08:00

The moment is finally here. The moment I have been waiting for the past 5 years is finally here! So, here I am. Still busy unpacking my stuff. Gosh, it feels forever. The new toy is finally out of the safe. It is indeed harder to be played than I have expected. 7 years ago it was a minor portion of my everyday routine, now it is struggling to get back in. Maybe I'll take Dad's advice to get into proper classes. Dad wants me to play Malay Classics when in fact, I have different ideas in the air. And Mama wants to get me into cooking classes. Haih! I thought no more classes after college? Pfft.

Anyway, this is another picture taken after oath-taking ceremony a couple weeks back. Can you spot me?

So anyway. I know I'll be busy for another week or so before I finally settled.

Toodles.

Double Celebration

2011-06-04T11:20:00.000+08:00

Officially turn 25 today. 25???? Gosh.

Goodbye Days

2011-05-31T13:33:00.000+08:00

Two more days..

Yesterday was hectic. In and out, up and down the block - driving around town, gave Rhesus a good bath, loading Rhesus with boxes and bags. Ah.

Tomorrow we'll be having the oath-taking ceremony. And my shawl should arrive by post too! Hehe. It is very difficult to not spend when you have the extra money. Huhu. Still have not done with the clearance process. Technical problems. UIA is never out of it. Pfft. Nong will drop by later tonight to help me get the rack down. God, how can the small room accommodate an entire house! *winced*

My new toy has also arrived home. Sealed well, it still is. It's just a little something I bought online for me..a gift? Heh. Probably to save me from boredom in the next one-two months before housemanship begins.

Two more days..

Fly Robin, Fly

2011-05-28T00:01:00.004+08:00

Official result was out today. Finally.

Alhamdulillah. There was no better word to it when my name was announced with the prefix 'Dr'. Friends who have always been around, Syafiqah, Jauhara and Aimi - you guys are wonderful! Congratulations!

Recalling the day of the exam, I was lucky to get straightforward cases:

Long case - Placenta praevia type II anterior

The examiners for my long case were mostly externals: Dr. Azam (HTAA), Dr. Raymond (Dean of Medical Faculty of UKM), Mr. Azril (Ortho, UIA), and another young chap probably from USM. I presented the case to Dr. Azam, of course. So I sit obliquely from the table, eyes front towards him. From the corner of my eyes, I can see the others are nodding approvingly to my every reply to the questions. Halfway through our discussion, there was a sudden "che-chek". I quickly turned my head to the right and saw a blackberry phone directed to my face. What the.. I must have raised my eyebrows before Dr. Raymond giggled and said out loud, "Ah takde ape. Personal collection." And he continued smiling. The UKM dean took my picture. For his personal collection? Hmph. Men.

Short cases were just okay. Hehe.

Right mastectomy (Post-radio hyperpigmented skin) + Axillary clearance scars. Currently presented with metastatic nodes TRO recurrent breast carcinoma. Discussion was on appropriate investigations.
Tophaceous gout. Multiple lobulated masses (some are at the size of a golf ball! Gah!)on the small joints of both hands, elbows and feet. Discussed on investigations and complications. Basic stuff.
Paeds case with sternotomy scar. Prosthetic click. Discussion towards chronic rheumatic heart disease

This will be all for now :) Much thanks to you good people who have been praying for my success fiddun-ya wal-akhirah.

This is just the beginning..

Halfway Home

2011-05-10T14:33:00.002+08:00

It rips my heart each time I have to say goodbye. May this be the last one before I finally stay for good. Tok is not doing very well. She has been bed-ridden for more than a couple of months now. My uncle bought her the specialized hospital bed, probably the kind you would only see in the ICU/CCU setting. Ripple mattress is on 24/7. She just spent her time in bed, sometimes throwing tantrums about food and gets really mad if being regularly positioned. She suffered from few spots of pressure sores before, they healed pretty well with the medicated talc and ointment. Now there is a huge erythematous area on her back, an imminent sore as I see it. Sigh. Poor Tok. Her refusal to eat just complicates things. Please Allah, be with her. Fill her heart with security, and just make her happy.

My other Tok in Santan is not doing that well, either. A hypertensive for more than 10 years with history of gross bipedal edema, I would go for a simple ECG to check her heart. An ECHO would be best. Her renal function results came out borderline. She has not been truly compliant to her meds even. Claiming the meds caused frequency, and you know the elderly. Difficulty to ambulate, going to and fro, is a good reason to ditch the meds. And she developed hallux valgus deformity in her right foot, with prominent 1st MTP joint. It almost looks like a bunion, but I am not so sure. Could gout history caused such deformity. I haven't yet seen one. My medical knowledge does fail me at times.

Ayah is currently complaining of pain in his small joints of the hands. An oral surgeon for the past two decades, as logic has it, will be subjected to wear and tear process soon if not now. And he asked me a day before, "How can we prevent from getting osteoarthritis?". Sigh. Not only we age with increasing number of years, our body began to show signs of growing old too. Mama has been having OA of her knee joints since I was in matric. She went to a chiropractor before in KL and paid a hefty sum for their meds. She claimed to have improved the symptoms but the maintenance is indeed financially challenging.

My aunt has a goitre. I have noticed it for quite some time. But she did not report of any obstructive or systemic symptoms. But Mama recently told me that the goitre has becoming bigger. Considering her age and family history of malignancy, I supposed she needs a surgeon consultation. A simple ultrasound will just do. Better be safe than sorry.

At this point, I recalled my mother's words when I first started to fill up my JPA forms in the yesteryears, "We need a doctor in the house."

Please pray for my success. InsyaAllah.

InsyaAllah.

Anew

2011-05-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

A strange feeling it is..to think of being off-tagged the status of a student. To be let out into the open jungle of crazy people and cruel reality. Slowly forcing self out of the comfort zone. But before that..

FINAL PROFESSIONAL EXAMS!

*heart pounding*nerves wrecking*thoughts racing*

Oh. Ohhh..

Emotionally Mute

2011-04-27T17:18:00.000+08:00

"People with good conscience can have reasonable empathy."(Dr. U)

Indeed, indeed. Often I found people who empathize others too deep that they start crying for them. Even when those other people are complete strangers and probably they only learn each other for only couple of hours. Personally, I find this rather peculiar. I think this group of people carrying such a big heart is being too..open and vulnerable. Which I think is very..unacceptable. To me, at least. I empathize, yes. To a restricted degree. Very restricted? *shrugs* I do not make effort to absorb too much in others trouble, instead I would try to understand and offer encouraging words.

Especially when you are in a profession dealing with people, I supposed it is crucial to maintain that barrier. It is almost impossible for you to cry for everyone.

You will end up being the one broken..

Healing Incantation

2011-04-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

Flower gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt, change the fate's design
Save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine

What once was mine

Yes, I LOVE this movie!!!

Hitherto Unknown

2011-04-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

I was strangled without being tied. I suffocated with the thrust of mere words.

Asphyxiated and crying out for air, the remote memories began to surface. All the traumatic episodes I kept hidden at the back of my head began to flash back one by one. The memories and scarred emotions were again brought to life. I trembled..chills were running down my spine as tears began collecting in the chamber.

..and there she goes again.

I supposed repression is not good enough a defense. The memories are bound to surface at any moment in any given time.

Like today.

There are things that strangers just won't understand..

Soul Vacation

2011-04-17T20:24:00.001+08:00

The war is imminent. Any act of resistance equates to a futile play. The dual battle it is, against the world and against self. Proving self as worthy enough to serve the people. Proving self as worthy enough to shoulder the weight of the world. Proving self to be prepared for the nasty reality.

Are you ready for this?

I know I am not. Will I ever be? I seriously doubt it. But I guess the merciless time will eventually take us there, prepared or not. So, I pray and pray. And please pray for me too?

"(iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka manjadi tenteram dengan mengingat Allah. Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah-lah hati menjadi tenteram." (Ar-Ra'ad:28)

The Hostile Rabbit

2011-04-15T13:20:00.000+08:00

When someone does not look you in the eyes when he is talking to you..
When his tone of voice gets a notch higher in octave when he eventually talks to you..
When his smile dims away when he accidentally look your way..

Yea, that is one hostile rabbit, no doubt.

The Life Saga

2011-04-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

It may seem ridiculous how life takes its turn and twist as time passes by. When we were 15, we may have painted the canvas with the colors of the future but as the future comes today, we may have forgotten our once wishes and dreams and just live life by going with the flow. And indeed, the current has brought us to who we are today.

And every now and then we caught ourselves planning for the next 5 years..Ah. The never-ending story :)

The Dangerous Pair

2011-04-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

They speak without enunciating a single syllable. They convey emotions without touch. They offer comfort without soothing words. They are like sharp widget, peeling your heart like onion skin. They are the window from which lies are cracked open. They are indeed..

..the eyes.

At times I tend to give myself away too much. I often need to remind myself to be more reserved. Again, problem with trusting people. I’ve tried to not make a connection too deep. I’ve tried to run away and close the deal as soon as possible but I guess what goes around comes around. It is very tiring playing all the mind games.

And I am not into games anymore..

Sprouting Across

2011-03-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

Third week in Psychiatry.

Dread. I never liked Psychiatry. I always see it as a whole separate entity from Medicine. The way it is taught, the content, is just too..confusing. Everything is just too subjective and operator-dependent. There is no clear-cut of this or that. This is the worst posting I've been to. I have suffered from tension headache for a week now. Being dependent on Ponstan/PCM at the moment. Thank God we do not have Psy rotation during the housemanship.

Oh. And we had a session with a clinical psychologist yesterday, a young lady who reminds me very much of my older sister. My sister even graduated with a Hons. degree in Psychology *sigh* She made us do this test to ascertain our level of depression and anxiety, and I got mild for both. (read: mild depression and mild anxiety)

I know I am hard. But it's even harder for me to get myself in recent days. I have tried to mend my mood with buying new stuffs, but now it does not give me that much pleasure. These days I am out and about doing spontaneous move alone i.e. shopping, eating outside etc. I just don't mind people anymore. This is troubling me. I know something has definitely went out of place. To fix this will need the physique back at home, at the company of family and good friends. Sob.

This is just too much. I cannot pretend that everything is okay anymore. The pretty smiles I put on will soon expire to an emergency halt.

I need another dose tonight.

Marching Out and About

2011-03-23T22:07:00.001+08:00

Throbbing headache x 3/7

Mild fever, tonsillitis x 2/7

Finally decided to visit the clinic after a day of self-medication with no improvement (worsening even). Took 3 tablets of PCM within 48 hours, to no avail. Dequadin, lozenges all proved no good.

Today, I bagged Ponstan and gargle (Refused to take the lozenges). Took the first ever dose of Ponstan in my life (usually PCM works wonders for me, so I never need a second-line..until today). Received an MC for a day. Sigh.

Problem now is the satiety. I took the first sip of Milo and felt the stomach is filled to full. Took the first 1/5 of the chicken porridge and later watch the rest make way into the rubbish bin. The metallic taste that just won't go away..sigh. I even survived for 24 hours without meal, just sips of 100 plus and the Blackcurrant cordial I made before going to class today. Now, I'm starting to sympathize myself..

But I discovered another miracle 'drug' for my sore throat. Maggie Mee (Curry)!! It's the little spices that soothe my aching throat. Ah..such a relief!

Learning Me, Really

2011-03-16T20:04:00.001+08:00

"The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart"

(Julien Green)

No one person is ever too normal. The personality is like the hand, said the wise man. Though the creases are all linear, they take in certain ways and turns. One's hand print is never the same as another.

Emy insisted I belong to the Cluster C people - avoidant, dependent and obsessive-compulsive. Ah.

Let's study just this for a while:

Avoidant Personality Disorder
The main feature of this disorder is a chronic sense of inferiority and inadequacy. People with this disorder are intensely afraid that others will ridicule them, reject them, or criticize them. This leads them to avoid social situations and to avoid interactions with others, which further limits their ability to develop social skills.

*doubtful* I have to admit I often make excuses for social gathering but never because of such fear described above. I just don't feel the need to socialize. It drains too much of my energy. I think I'm just the kind who is comfortable with a small group of friends and loved ones. Sometimes I do feel it's hard to blend in, when in fact, I never really tried. At all. *shrugs* Blame my childhood upbringing.

Next..

Dependent Personality Disorder

There is a strong need to be taken care of by other people. This need to be taken care of, and the associated fear of loosing the support of others, often leads people with Dependent Personality Disorder to behave in a "clingy" manner; to submit to the desires of other people; and they may have great difficulty standing up for themselves. They find it difficult to express disagreement or make independent decisions, and are challenged to begin a task when nobody is available to assist them.

This does not sound like me. Period.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

They are preoccupied with rules, regulations, and orderliness. They are great makers of lists and schedules, and are often devoted to work to such an extent that they often neglect social relationships. They have perfectionist tendencies, and are so driven in their work to "get it right" that they become unable to complete projects or specific tasks because they get lost in the details, and fail to see the "forest for the trees." Persons with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder tend to be rigid and inflexible in their approach to things. It simply isn't an option for them to do a "sub-standard" job just to get something done. Often, they are unable to delegate tasks for fear that another person will not "get it right."

O my, O my..

I really don't think I'm THAT weird, though someone once labeled me mysterious before. I really am not THAT reclusive. Yea, I know at times I keep walls all around, paranoid delusions? I have problems with trusting people. Something I have to learn the hard way. My childhood years probably not as fun as yours. I never liked being in a crowd.

"Karniza kecik-kecik slalu nangih ja. Orang mai rumah nangih, pi rumah orang nangih.." my sister once told the tale.

So, it's my temperament, I guess.

And I have bad socializing skills too. I am dull and boring. I used to run away from the boys I like at schools. Haha. The more I like you, the more I'd push you away. Insecurity? Yes, indeed. My teen years were spent just fine. I didn't go out that much. Much time spent on the organ or with the TV. The years were boring and lonely but were great enough for me. Beginning college was the first transition for me. Only then was my world creeks open and I learned people. It was then when I felt most insecured. I kept my friends few but I find people always tried to poke in. When resistance was made, then I had my first pang of dishonesty in friendship, people talking bad lies with pride and those who do nothing but pretend.

People are just difficult.

Pastel Portrait

2011-03-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

The transition phase is near. At one point, it just felt awfully long to endure the remaining days..but at some other points, I know I am not prepared for this to end. Not now. Not yet. Will I miss any of these? *shrugs*

Heavy emotions are tightly held within *sigh*

Recently I caught myself playing Alif Satar - Cukup Indah again and again on the mp3 player. Yea, the words are mellow and stuff but, but..well, I don't know. It just made me happy. Haha. Christina Perri's Jar of Heart and Jessie J's Price Tag are pretty catchy too ;)

Will write more soon. Current air is just too..confusing.

60 Seconds

2011-03-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

The last 1 minute of anything always means everything.

Making the right choice. Saying the right word. Being at the right place.

P/S: Good luck to those having their SPA/KKM interview tomorrow! ;)

The Silent Melody

2011-03-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

Today marks the end of my Final Year Surgical posting. I got a 58-year-old lady presented with hematuria associated with obstructive urinary symptom. Me and Prof N got into a serious discussion and I could feel my heart skipped a beat at one point. The tension. The frustration. I least expected to get a urology case this time..but I did. Sob. I didn't perform as well as I had hoped for :(

Mr F then took me to examine a lipoma at the back. He was very encouraging, very supportive. Not much being asked - just few things on how to contract the muscle, read: serratus anterior and I demonstrated to him how to test for winging of scapula. He nodded and helped me to get that done on the patient while I moved the mass sideways and vertically. I almost forgot to do the slip sign. And Mr F joked with the patient 'Doktor muda-muda lagi dah lupa ye'. I replied with a sheepish face. Haha.

So, yeah. That's it, I guess. I just hope I passed. Doakan tau!

Jumpy

2011-02-16T19:58:00.001+08:00

I am getting more and more restless these days.

It feels like I am trapped in such a confined space. With a heavy heart I dragged my feet to live out the days and as night comes, I never ceased to beg it to never leave. But it does, anyway. The counted days seems too long to endure. The sleepless nights and ragged mares are haunting my waking hours. I am always out and about, or else I'd become..this.

Crazy..

A little.

5 days

2011-02-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

..and the torment begins
what a long wait!

That's Just A Molehill

2011-02-13T09:45:00.001+08:00

Hey :)

Today is supposed to be the second day of the surgical symposium ~~which we were forced to fill in the chairs and paid a hefty sum for it.~~ And here I am..in the room. Rebellious as always. Haha. I really don't mind the program, heck I would really love to join the pack if it does not eat away my weekend. Of course, they say good food motivates people. It does, really. But that ambience..the smell of posh-ness with some flickering desires to look your best among the posh people, reminds me of home so much. I have spent my childhood years joining my parents when they spend the nights at big hotels and resorts for their conferences and seminars and workshops. Those were the times when I was taught table manners - y'know, things like sticking out your pinky when raising your glass, scooping a soup in a bowl should start from inside out, folding the napkin etc. And nothing irks me more than people who chewed their food so loud with an open mouth. What the? Those were the times when I learned the art of socializing with big people. And this goes without saying that it involves tons of fake expressions and good sayings. Of course such places would offer good food, no doubt. That's the least that could draw my attention, anyway.

Well, some fuss has been going on and on about me not attending the AGD. It tires me up trying to convince people that I am not getting a diamond ring anywhere near that date. Maybe another year or two? If he doesn't change his mind, that is ;)

The stat figures do trouble me *feeling slight insecurities* If this goes on, I may end up filtering my audience. Huhu.

Jom tengok baju cantik-cantik!!

2011-02-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

Cantik kan? kan? :)

Fresh in 4

2011-02-07T19:37:00.001+08:00

What a day! Haha. Phew.

I was just back from CNY break yesterday. Of course, the first couple of hours upon arrival were spent in REM state, the body needs its beauty sleep, no? Te-hee.

And of course, Rhesus will have to be warmed up after the idle days without me. Only that she greeted me with "Grreekkk.." instead of a "Vrrooomm..".

Darn it. So, frantic I was, I dialled Ayah's and a couple more friends whom I think could help. Hehe. Long story cut short, the car is being towed to the Toyota service centre today. The tow-truck wasn't something as I've always pictured. The one that came to fetch Rhesus today was..a little bigger..and longer. Instead of towing the car, it actually carries the car back to the centre. Strange feeling it is to see Rhesus being forcefully pulled up the back of the truck. It almost felt like a dull sting..deep inside. Weird. It's just a car, I reminded myself. The truck was so loud that it attracts some intrigued eyes. Tasneem and Jetul and Mekti and some others I couldn't recall were there..witnessing the harsh moment. Hahaha..I still think it's a funny scene. Haha.

But the best part was..*drumroll* I rode the truck!!!! Kah3..!

I'm still not very sure why I need to consciously suppress myself from laughing the whole time I was in the truck! Haha. But it was fun! Apek tow-truck was nice and super friendly too!!

"Jaga-jaga kapala aa, boleh pegang dekat atas handle..turun baik-baik, tinggi tu.."

Let's just say there were no moment of silence during the ride. He's mouthful..with words. And stories. And complaints. Haha.

And at the service centre, I was entertained by a macho bloke. How macho, you may ask? Ah..dyed hair, young and fair, muscular, nice teeth (Haha, I was trained to comment on people's teeth!). He was a bit chatty. But when Mister Chatty meet Miss Mystery, well..the story never gets anywhere. Haha.

They took two whole hours to get Rhesus up and running. I sat at the lounge staring at my favourite idiotic box, of course..and National Geographic was on. Not too bad, ay. So, I sat down across the large plasma screen and glued my eyes on it like nobody's business. I have always hated having to wait at the service centre. Most other people there are either with their little children or look 'old enough'. I always seem like a kid who drives a big car.

Dang.

But I can't complain, right? :)

The Broken Piece

2011-01-28T18:14:00.000+08:00

Mistakes made. We forgive. We forget. We turn over a new leaf. We move on.

But sometimes, damages are done beyond repair. To no avail the effort may seem, a futile work it is. And often we looked back to the road we did not take, "Why didn't I trail the route before.."

Sometimes we forget that every little choice we made will have an impact to those beloved. One person took one foul step over a quicksand and pull every friend of his together and sunk in. They all died. A single thorn may wound the entire family, leaving a scar ugly enough, serving as a cruel reminder of such bad omen. Why are people getting more and more ridiculous these days? EQ of the world is falling steep to near non-existent.

What is happening to all of YOU? Or rather..all of US..

the RED hooligan

2011-01-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

There are always TWO sides of a story, TWO sides of a single coin, TWO sides that build a person.

There is Good and there is Evil.

Humans with sound minds, they will judge. It's almost an auto-pilot phenomenon, almost like a spinal reflex. Voices in our heads, instincts from the heart will often direct us in making tough choices in our lives. And we secretly keep our fingers crossed at the back, praying for the best.

Time passes by and we are adding numbers to our age, year by year. Personally, life gets more and more orchaestrated in a boring routine, doing the same thing everyday, living yesterday today and re-living the same episodes for days to come. So, occasionally I have the rush to feed the Id. To remind me that life is more than this..

So yeah. Life is more than this..

Zero Zest

2011-01-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was greeted with, "Niza tak pegi AGD sebab nak kawin ea?"

Eh?

The Happy Hangar

2011-01-06T11:52:00.001+08:00

Long hours spent doing everything without books in between. Yippee!

But heaven on Earth often comes with an expiration date. And my vacation will soon end and I'll have to switch back on the brain. Surgery is coming..*blunted*

People change throughout the course of time. There are difficult times we endured in the past that mould us bit by bit into the person we stand today. I know I've changed. It might not be much to some, it might be abrupt to others. Change is good..but often is bad. Deep down, I know there are certain pieces of traits I would want to get rid of..that I've been trying to shove off my sleeves. If only things are as easy as blowing the dust off the curtain..

I forgive. But I never forget. When I don't forget, I tend to keep the labels. That's the lad who spoke ruthless words about me before. And never apologise. Worst still, they are all lies. That's the girl who messed with me big time. Those are the people never to be trusted. They speak one thing now but speak another in front of others. When such tags are well padded on their faces, I have a whole collection of people whom I'd stay away from. That's why I may seem to withdraw myself from social grounds. That's why I often feel group activities drain too much of my positive energy.

That's why I may not add to the numbers attending the Annual Grand Dinner after the Final Pro exams.

Weird people with their weird minds often keeps me insecure. Let's not make any connection to the beings outside home, or you're bound to get yourself hurt. And from that point, I taught myself to be a heartless moron. Let's not be too sensitive. Let's just don't care.

Interestingly, I am on my way to become a doctor where the world is my patient.

Interesting indeed.

Mayday!

2011-01-03T14:20:00.000+08:00

I am desperately looking for this exact same piece. Roger me if spotted anywhere!! :D

Again with this..

2010-12-28T16:26:00.002+08:00

Hi :)

First, let' talk about exams. Theory part was fairly okay. Clinical part was..frustrating as always. Hahah. I don't know why but, in every exams I do not feel the rush to perform my best. I just want to get them over with and go home.Complacent? Maybe.

Oh, for those having exams tomorrow, all the best! I got simple febrile fit secondary to tonsillopharyngitis for my long case and VSD in failure for my short case.

Oh and about my last post regarding the return of Kikuchi..finished my Augmentin dose. Not much improvement of the lymph nodes, really. 2 days after, I began to develop headache...which was last Friday. Too troubling..I couldn't study much. So most of the time was killed in REM state. Fever started on Saturday. Low grade..not too troublesome but the headache? Agh. So, I took the first PCM.

Monday. Theory exam. Woke up in the morning and noticed rashes on my upper limbs and trunk. They were erythematous macules, smallest around 2-3mm, some are in blotches, 2cm across at most. Non-itchy and blanch to pressure. At night, again with the headache..so I dosed myself with another PCM tablet.

Tuesday (Today lah). Clinical exam. Went for exams with an empty head. I know my brain could not fully function, but I just want to get it over with and go home. A bit frustrated but couldn't care less. Pfftt. So, after exams, I attended IIUM Clinic again, just to see what the GP there has to say to me.

"It looks like Rubella to me."

So, she asked me to quarantine myself. Not to go out that much. And she said this, "Rubella can make you feel miserable." Yeah, especially during the exams period. And I bagged home Ponstan, PCM, Calamine lotion and Vitamin C.

Now, problem is..I am a bit doubtful. I thought rubella rashes are discrete. Mine is blotchy..probably something like measles. And if it really is Rubella..what is wrong with my immune system? Maybe will visit HTF again tomorrow. We'll see.

And among the words mouthed by Prof Fauzi before, "Kikuchi can be a prelude to SLE." That's a little too much to digest and be accepted. Even after these 2 years.

Off to bed now. Pray for my healthy self back on track. I don't have time to be sick :(

The rashes back then

P/S: To Maryam..please please get well soon. Take good care of Ameer, take good care of yourself!

Bleeding Love cough

2010-12-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

Programme: "Ajari Aku Cinta"

Venue: LH1, Kulliyyah Of Medicine, IIUM

Participants: Young lovers *cough*

I looked so puny sitting next to Azrul. Hmph!

Hee.

The little boys..xD

Picca This Way

2010-12-20T20:34:00.001+08:00

This will most probably get into the yearbook. Minus the dotted lines on top and 'Robin'. Te-hee.

This is (I think) the best picture from the four taken. My face looks a wee bit blurry in this shot. And I think I look weird. Have I always looked weird?? *snort*

Anyway..I really don't mind ;)

But I wouldn't mind posing for few more shots if Mr. Erwan is willing to spare some time *wink*wink* Do you still have your DSLR around?

P/S: Wada thinks Kikuchi is too cute for a disease. Haha. Well, that wasn't the first time I heard that. Shamir thinks the same too. Huahua..anyway, the lymph nodes are not going to recede anytime soon, I believe. But that isn't really that troublesome. At least, I'm more troubled with my scoliotic pain recently. Sigh.

Maybe I just need home. And everything else will not matter anymore :)

P/P/S: Will be having end-posting examination next week. Time really flies these days. Pftt. Wish me luck! :)

Kikuchi Revisits?

2010-12-16T16:49:00.009+08:00

Salam.

I knew something was wrong when fever seemed to hit me monthly since the past 2 months. Interestingly, they usually came by around the end of the month. Often I was feverish during exams. Sigh. But I was nonetheless well, until a week ago I palpated a left cervical node at the posterior triangle. I first came about noticing it when I woke up from bed feeling discomfort in the neck. And there it is! At the size of ~2 - 2.5cm across. It was initially soft and non-fluctuant. Not painful at all. 3-4 days later it gets firmer (not hard) with minimal tenderness. Now, still no change in size..causing me headache every morning upon waking up. I don't know whether it's the pillow, or the pain that cause me to turn my head about during sleep. Otherwise, I guess I'm pretty much okay.

Apart from that one big node, there is another one at 2 cm size, much lower, close to the wound from my last operation. There are multiple more on the right cervical region, but much smaller.

So, being a good medical student, I paid a visit to the IIUM clinic today. Dr Norlita (I think her name is) did a quick examination on the lumps before she takes a good look at my appointment book. Oh, and she examined the throat as well. NAD.

"Oh my..." was the first remark to 'Kikuchi's disease. Required short-course of Prednisolone' that was written by Prof Fauzi on my appointment book.

Then came, "Why did you get this? It's so rare!" And that went on like..twice.

"I'll treat this as lymphadenitis, first..and we'll see how it goes. I'll give you bd dose of Augmentin for a week. Should there be no changes or it turns worst, I'll make a referral."

I am satisfied. =)

She's a nice doc. Smiles a lot too.

But I was having palpitation for the first 3 minutes in the room. Haha.

Ayah kata..

2010-12-07T22:10:00.002+08:00

"Ayah. Gum bawah Karniza belah kanan, hujung-hujung tu rasa sakit. Nak telan ayaq liuq pun sakit. Pastu ada lymph nodes naik plakk"

SMS sent to Ayah.

Tet tet. Reply from Ayah reads, "Possibly pericoronitis. Amik antibiotics n gargle".

Sakitnyaaaaa!! Nak lena ja la malam ni :((

V for Vio!

2010-11-27T23:08:00.001+08:00

Hello, you :)

Today, the pack were out accompanying Aimi to send her Elmo for a quick bath in Jalan Gambut. While waiting for the people to scrub and scrub around, we headed for Sara Thai to get our dinner. And I just had this crazy idea of paying a visit to Yamaha a few doors away, probably to rent their piano room and hit a key or two. Ah, but the room's only available on weekdays. Bummer. Probably next time, okay! :)

And yes, we were talking about violin as well.

Violin has always been my second favourite musical instrument after piano (and organ). Yesh, it's the musical instrument to play if you want to get high and so absorbed in..if you want the house to echo with the freaking harsh wheeze until your mother came up to the room to tell you to go to bed.

I've played violin during my senior year in high school. I was one of the five school violinists, one of the only two Malays..the rest were of course, Chineses. Our orchaestra back then was around 20 people. Even Pikah was in it, playing some mutant form of a conventional rekoder (I don't know what it's called in English..Tehee). We have had multiple performances, but there's one I'll never forget. The time when we have to intensely rehearse for the MB (Shahidan was the MB at the time). I loved that day sooo much, I remembered like it was just yesterday :) We played two songs, one of which was Getaran Jiwa (that famous P. Ramlee song).

Something like this...(minus the vibrato, my hands were too shaky. Hehe)

Getaran Jiwa

Looking back, I know I can't play violin as good anymore. Sob. Years have passed and I have never hold the bow since I left school. Such a loss.

But if there's anything I do remember about violin...

They're HEAVY. Yea, they look small and cuddly (?) but your shoulder would not be able to sustain for more than 5 minutes without cramps. Heh. There's the long bow, where you really need to LEARN to hold it right. Different people have different ways of holding it, what's important is which position gives you the comfort best. And the strings on the bow should be loosen when it's to be kept away. There's also resin, that orange cube you used after you tighten the strings, and before you started playing. Next, to the violin itself. Before we performed, the violins should be tuned. Normally, we tune together with the piano. And I supposed that's what most people do.

There are 4 strings on the violin; E A D and G (I hope I remember this correctly). So, for this just four strings to be able to produce other more notes, you're gonna have to put your finger up and down the strings. At certain breadth will produce a certain note. So, at the beginning of my training, I have colourful bands attached to my violin strings, signifying all the various notes. Haha. And my eyes were literally on the strings so that I wouldn't miss any note while playing..because you know, if you're playing violin, one off-note is going to be obvious! You're going to stand out for the wrong reason. Haha. Plus, you need to know when to go up and down with the bow. Playing in the orchaestra, you need to be synchronised. Watch yourself play, watch the people next to you.

So, Aimi..if there's anything that I could teach..probably is just how to hold your violin right. Haha :D

Love & Peaches

2010-11-23T07:42:00.002+08:00

I attended another wedding reception in Alor Star recently. Congratulations to Hafis and Zaeimah! :) And I missed my schoolmates' wedding that day, the bride was my primary schoolmate and the groom was my secondary schoolmate. What a small world. Perlis people always find ways to get back to Perlis. Te-hee.

Dad, Khairul and my uncle

Anyway..

Seeing how other people work their wedding, I am having this irresistible urge to plan my own. Haha. Having to return back to Kuantan after a short vacation is a real bummer. Yea, some people did not have the chance to go back at all..but..sigh. How I want to finish med school for good and go back home. Looking back, I don't think I'll miss any of this. The same way I don't miss my school days. They were great, don't get me wrong..but I'm just not the type who rests on melancholy and reminisce. Past is past.

Oh and by the way, I have completed (I think?) the piano score. But it was in the handphone. My brother forgot to bring home the USB cable. So, in simpler words, I'll only be able to upload the file..say, next month the earliest. Hehe. My uncle said it sounded like a nursery rhyme. It's a lullaby to him. Haha.

I wanted to go back to KL this weekend. But I have a seminar, a PBA session and a report to be submitted next week. Why oh why?

Ayaq Bah!

2010-11-08T23:29:00.001+08:00

These are few shots taken from my bedroom window during bah couple of days ago.

That's Hospital Tuanku Fauziah (the huge building with the blue top, to the right of the water tank)

Now, this one is not very clear, probably 'cause it's opposing the sun. Ayaq bah is everywhere around the house! Yea, rumah saya serabut-serabut sikit. Hee.

Ticket Home

2010-11-08T23:00:00.001+08:00

Today was..great!

We have re-scheduled the timetable so that we'll be off on Friday Raya week. Which means..

I'm going home!! *grin*

So, my good friends..we'll have a grand outing this time round, okay?! :) Te-hee. Can't wait!!

And I was home a couple of days back. The organ needs to be played once in a while. Few keys were off-note. I have always loved piano even though I've never had any piano lessons before. But both piano and organ aren't that alien to each other, so I can manage few things here and there.

And I managed this..

It's nothing much really. It's a thousand miles away from being complete. But I think it is a good beginning. (ok perasan di sini xD ) Probably will add more notes..or maybe not. Hehe. Hopefully, home next week will get me at least halfway through. Hehe. Still haven't put down any title to it yet. Guess I'll let the melody flow with the heavy emotions and see how it will eventually turn out.

P/S: Paediatrics posting!

Please stay. Oh, Sanity!

2010-10-30T21:28:00.000+08:00

It's the weekend before exam. Again.

Why are you doing this to me? Oh, Time!

While I'm trying very hard *cough* to focus, my brain obviously is unwilling to cooperate. Diverge here and there and eventually I catch myself staring at the laptop, if not found in REM state.

Pray for me, dear friends. I would really like to head back to Perlis with a little sense of security. Te-hee.

And to my Perlisan people, please be safe! ;) Let twister stays in KFC, and KFC alone!

The Ugly Beauty

2010-10-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

Why do some people did the things they're not supposed to do?

Well, what are they supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do?

O&G is a known department harbouring labile creatures. Poke them at one side and they come shooting fires at your face until your skin adapt to the pressure by growing hyperplastic, replenishing the damaged surface every minute passed. It's the one department having the capacity to withdraw my sanity again and again. And again. One thing after another. Tension is building up. I need to go home :(

I just want to walk past this phase. Without fail..

Poor Progress

2010-10-09T08:40:00.000+08:00

It seems like updates from the blog comes in a monthly basis. These days, I just don't feel like sharing that much. Time is passing like a merciless tour guide. Jumping here and there without a breather in between. Friends are getting engaged, a couple have tied the knot. I am feeling old (without looking like one). I am trying very, very hard trying to look my age, trying to dress my age. But I guess, some people have a subtle way in growing up and old. I need to plant a few baby fat here and there but I eventually gave up the idea of trying too hard. My physique is not genetically engineered to store fat (or even to consume that much).

That aside.

Let's talk O&G (And no Erwan, this is not Oil & Gas). The logbook is yet to be smeared with rubber stamps and half-hearted signatures. I haven't been into the OT yet. Episiotomies are yet to be repaired. I need two more CPs to complete the quota. Completed 5 deliveries weeks ago. Yayy!!! The 5th delivery I conducted was the best. They let me up front, all alone at the perineum. I get to guide and pull the baby by myself! (Usually, I have to share hands with the NSMs *sigh*) But, honestly I think Year 5 O&G is a little less stressful than the one I had before. For some reasons, maybe. For some reasons..

I know the post sounded a little..serious? I have a lot in mind right now. There's a sudden gush of need to go home and be cared for. I need to be cared for. Come care me! :D

Going Too Far

2010-09-15T22:57:00.003+08:00

Being reminded that I'll have to hit the 12-hour cruise back to Kuantan has always turn off my mood, since..ever. I get easily irritated, my appetite is falling steep and I lack interest in doing things I love - laughing at the idiot box. Reminiscing the past 4 years (and counting the fifth), I think I have had enough of Kuantan. I just want to get it over and done with med school and live life. Yea, 'you'll never miss the water until it's gone', they say but I think I've had too much of it, I'm now drowning. I tried to be more motivated (like some people) but in the end I guess I have nobody to fool. I wonder why they are so pumped up, it's like their adrenaline never cuts short.

*sigh* but then again..

..it IS my final year as a medical student

..a houseman soon

..a medical officer not too long after. Ah.

A big responsibility, indeed. Before the road to reality re-open, I supposed I need to get my senses fully functional in prior *winced*

P/S: The colours are purposely put as such so that the color-blind(ers) may put their eyes to some test xD

Happy Tunes

2010-09-08T15:16:00.003+08:00

Hey people.

48 hours until Eid. It's rare to get such a long vacation for Eid so I killed most of the time doing luxurious activities - doing exceptionally nothing! *winced* And in such occasions, the suppressed thoughts tend to surface. I was not born with a sturdy material. Thus, when bad luck hits, I do what most weaklings would. Yes, I'd runaway. Or at least, I play the oblivion part, pretending it never happens. But you see, histories shape you, no matter how good or bad they are. It reminds you to take a more cautious steps when you trail the muddy road. Probably that's why I never learnt?

When I need a good distraction, music is my saviour. My second best choice after medicine would be music. I have always wanted to play in a professional orchaestra (after proper education, of course). At least, musician gets to keep their sanity while med school often drains it away. I love piano, I love violin. I learn organ at the tender age of 6, I was the school drummer at 9, the school violinist at 17. So far, music has never NOT make me happy. Their sounds give me eargasm, they're really like dope! No, I'm no professional at those, I played a key or two, I stroke a string or two.

And I just need a little distraction right now. I need music.

Enough with rattle. Eid Mubarak, everyone. Have a blessed celebration :)

They Are Eating Me!

2010-08-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

I was never lucky when it comes to clinical exams. Okay, maybe once.

Why should there be the all-depends-on-this-one-day clinical exams? Couldn't they assess us continuously instead? It's downright unfair to practically rest your fate in the hands of people - who came from a myriad of personalities. Some doctors are nice and human. Some are not.

Well, I supposed you can tell how my clinical assessment went. It was not good, not good at all. Long case was dread. She complained about my history (the same thing over and over again). ~~I never get it why she needed to be so strict and meticulous. Oh, I forgot. It's a she-thing to be orderly.~~ Anyway..

Short case of ascites. I forgot to do the flapping tremor.

I'm done.

The Forgotten Smile

2010-08-10T22:26:00.000+08:00

It's difficult when you have set a target to your accomplishment when you know most of the things are bordered by mere luck and circumstances. It is even more frustrating when you reach nowhere but the areas you previously deemed as substandard and weak. Somehow the world does not seem to be playing fair, and while you're being the centre of attraction of your own life, you end up being the one to lose. Maybe it's not right to aim up high..maybe it's best to play safe in the green-gets-greener side of the field..maybe, just maybe, you are not someone who you think you are anymore. Whatever it is, hope will be the first to be flushed. Second, the toll is to be borne by esteem. And while faith keeps you going when the fuel is at stake, it, too will eventually stoop to the law of nature.

Towards the end of the day, we will finally admit to the circle of life. One can never be on top without being stampeded at the bottom first. One can never learn to persevere without being push around like a helpless, puny creature. He who stands last is the one who truly lives.

It is never easy to be grateful. It is our nature to forget and be greed.

By the way, Salam Ramadhan to all. May this Ramadhan gives us better enrichment of the soul :) InsyaAllah. May Allah SWT guide us through difficult times.

The Call

2010-07-31T14:02:00.000+08:00

The Winter Serenade

Yours truly

Snow pours down like feathery tear

The skies are dark and around I linger

The two feet I drag and cries I hear

From the soul that hunts for happiness mere.

Into the woods I steer and out to the ocean

The world is lonely and the words are unspoken

This is not my land, they are not my people

I've tried to be strong but I'm weak and I'll cripple.

Home

2010-07-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

Medical rotation makes me drown in guilt. Often I heard myself promised to cover every corner of every possible topic but ended up with none. Often I admire people who have the confidence to speak aloud the little knowledge they have and ended up gaining more. Often I would sit at one corner wondering how nice it would be if home is just a baby step away. Because I cannot tolerate anymore pressure. Because I need to be in a positively growing atmosphere. It is too tense around here and I don't think people are breathing air anymore. They have evolved into proud creatures who feed on textbooks. It's scary.

A week has passed and I am still heating up the engine. People are fast forward and I am still dilly-dallying. I prayed for courage, I prayed for perseverance. Somehow, each passing day never fails to flush my esteem away, bit by bit. Probably I just need a change to this boring routine life. Probably I just need a break. But time does not permit so. Rush, rush to the finish line. Bleed and sore the wound. And bleed again.

Maybe I need some encouraging words. Maybe I just need to be reassured. Maybe..maybe..the things that I wanted, those that I expected, aren't there anymore..

Still, I think the group is too big for discussion. Not good, not good.

Season Finale

2010-07-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

The Earth plates are starting to shiver. The wind is intense in speed. The flames are flickering a new breed of heat. The splashes of water is forming gigantic waves. This does not spell fun anymore. The time has come for us to get down. Put on that goggle and the marching gear. It's time to get serious!

The future has come today.

So to all my colleagues, best of luck!

P/S: My final year semester will begin next week *blunted* I'll kick off with Medical rotation (Thank God!). Wish me the very best, okay? :) Will head to KL early tomorrow morning and yes, I'll be driving Rhesus :)

Oh..Ohhh!!

2010-05-11T10:22:00.001+08:00

It's May 11th. Refused to rise to the burning morning sun until and when my cellphone beeps..

"Niza, ko pass exam. Haha"

Thanks dear friend. You just made my day with only 5 words! Haha.

Now, the next big thing would be..Putrajaya for my elective posting - Breast and Endocrine.
Oh, and I still haven't started the revision marathon. Oh!

And packing stuff? Aicks! I'll be leaving for KL the day after tomorrow. And Dad is thinking of lodging in Cameron Highlands a day or two. I'm happy! :)

Ouch!

2010-05-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

Block 3 exam is officially over *stuffing clothes into bags*

How was it? someone might ask..

MCQ was..@#$&^*^&$%
PMP and the short notes? @#$@#@^%&
OSCEs??? #$#$&^&((*^%$#$^%&^*!!

Current condition: Bereavement state (as Piqah intelligently put it)
*spacing out*loss of appetite*paranoid*flight of ideas*delusional*

Management: No active plan.

Solution: O Allah!

A Reminder

2010-04-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

S.O.S

2010-04-22T04:01:00.000+08:00

It's 3:46am on the clock and I am still running my home visit report. The Editorial Team will have to pull and stretch and toil in the coming hours for our final survey report to be submitted in less than 48 hours from now. Mind you we're going to begin with scrapping the soil, starting from scratch. Seemingly impossible, I'm not very sure why some people are being happy (?) about it. In-te-res-ting indeed how human minds work. Probably it's their coping mechanism to hide the inner stress (?) and keep it low in the subconscious domain. Stress is never a good help in times of despair, you see. As for me, being meticulous and not really been born with a knack to multitask, I must focus on my home visit report. Come what may, come what may.

And why on Earth am I updating my blog when the report is still undone???!!! Pffttt!

Dear God. Unto Thee I seek help. Help us!

The Dictator I've Become

2010-04-21T17:27:00.002+08:00

I am difficult. I am tough. Once I've made my say on a matter, I won't take it back without the most intelligent reasons. I decide promptly and I decide well. At least, I think I did. And rarely will I have patience apt enough to tolerate slow and incompetent people.I never push myself into doing something that does not seem to seed my spiritual and mental growth. I don't waste my time on something I think is rotten and rubbish. I tend to leave any occasions that I don't think I will fit in. Or in which I can't contribute. And I hate to leisure my time around foolish people who are arrogant and awkwardly blind to see their wrongs even when being pointed out. I love a good discussion and I love being among the thinking people. People who are wise and humble. Those who carefully choose the words they mouth and laugh giddily aloud at appropriate times. Those who step their feet on the ground but with minds that traverse into spaces, always looking for new adventures and answers. I tend to judge a lot these recent days. I tend to put orders instead of discussing, as I no more tolerate any ~~stupid~~ unjustifiable reasons. I appreciate those who can improvise and can stand strong alone, rather than those who are too dependent and spineless.

When my mental equilibrium has been disrupted to such a level, it's a known symptom resulting from prolonged lodging in Kuantan without breaks in between. I need to go home to restore my sanity, and to rejuvenate my mental health. Kuantan is driving me crazy every ticking second.

P/S: Nong, tolonglah bawak aku jalan-jalan..sob sob

valentine speaks out

2010-04-16T03:33:00.000+08:00

this is Taylor Lautner

this is the Wolf from Twilight

this is Willy from Valentine's Day

I'm in LOVE! xD

"Sarabut"

2010-04-10T16:49:00.001+08:00

Drained. Distressed.

I don't really pay attention to others. I rarely listen. I never really cared. But no, I am not all that.

I thought I was born thick-headed. I thought I was cool.

But no, I am sensitive. Finally admitting.

I take in verbal cues seriously. I detect subtle body language. I judged.

And now the thoughts are mixed, wild and free. And I am just...tired of dramas.

I am direct. I planned to plan. I put down my daily tasks on paper. I am serious and never spontaneous.

People come in so many forms. Strangers are like a myriad of weirdness. Sometimes I just don't feel like I belong. Some people can just seep through the cracks and connect a link to the giant network. I just stand at one corner, trying hard to go unnoticed and dissipate through the thin air when people aren't paying attention. I'm trying hard to not bond. Because I feel insecure. No, I just don't trust people.

It's hard to be understood when you yourself are still defining. It's hard to get people to notice, when you yourself just want to run away and not blend in.

I just don't trust people. Because people can hurt you :(

With Love

2010-04-06T15:31:00.000+08:00

6.4.2010

Happy birthday, Mama

I love you always :)

Sera, Sera

2010-04-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

It's 2.06am and I'm fresh awake. In recent days, I've lost my diurnal sleep variation. Days and nights are no longer distinct, meal times almost always skipped or extended. I know it's never a good choice to lament but I just want to go home. A place where they feed me well and cared for me like a little child. And I am still the little child :(

Research has been fun. Going in and out of houses collecting figures and facts from total strangers and being chased by the barking of the dogs *snickers* Gosh. That was one of a kind experience never to be re-live. Tomorrow is another daunting day. As much as I liked working in troops and carry each other's burden, I just can't help to ponder when will all this stop for a quick halt. :(

And these days have been taking its toll on Erwan too. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I lost you. In the end, I think I've lost myself as well :(

Did I Marry the Right Person?

2010-03-28T09:46:00.002+08:00

This is a very good article. read it. Those who are still single may learn something from here. Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labour of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling..:)

Hurrah!

2010-03-27T11:08:00.001+08:00

Editorial Team is taking a long rest for now. Though there are FEW noticeable typos in the reports..what the heck. We only have 2 hours of sleep the night before submitting them. Hope there won't be much to edit from there *pray*pray*

Asyraf is already home, in the love and care of his beloved family. Can't wait to muah muah my new nephew!

*elated*

This is the Way

2010-03-11T21:45:00.000+08:00

we are a herd, we are one

we collect together and we stand to shine

to prove ourselves to the world

to be the diamonds and pearls

the blood and tears of the warriors

who weave the flag of souls

Yours truly

P/S: To Group B2 - Jia you! May our path be eased :)

The New Baby

2010-03-10T17:54:00.000+08:00

Introducing..

Asyraf Muazzam bin Abdul Rashid

My sister's 3rd baby

My parents 4th grandchild

My second nephew :)

My new favourite!

Stressed, Are You?

2010-03-08T18:58:00.002+08:00

I just feel like going home.

My newly born nephew is currently in the care of NICU - Hospital Kangar for pneumonia. He's only 2 days old.

My grandmother who has been in the hospital for more than a month now is currently having Salmonella bacteriuria.

My mother will have her OGTT done tomorrow. She has been complaining of peripheral numbness for quite some time now.

Medicine is no longer fun to learn.

when things just wouldn't stop

2010-03-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

There is a certain point in life where you need to take things slow and reconstruct your purpose in life, to rebuild the fading esteem, to repaint the pale persona. The plateau stage that everyone of us will step their foot in. Sometimes, we just need a break.

Your generation is made up of cheeky weaklings. Ungrateful and arrogant. Selfish and apathetic. So, they say.

And how are we supposed to climb the rocky mountains when people at the top keep on throwing thrash on us?

Maybe our lives have been showered with too much love and we've been strictly cared for. Luxurious life indeed. But, that won't make us frail. Having that much of security makes us proud. That's why we tend to rebel.

Motivation is something that we all lack. So, provide us.

And please, just stop pointing fingers?

Cruel Reality

2010-02-26T21:23:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we forget to thank Allah..
for the good clothes
for the good friends
for the good life

Sometimes, we overlooked and underestimated..
the imbecility..
the arrogance..
of a human being

Normally, we sympathize others' bad luck
Rarely, we could offer empathy

Today I went a little out from the comfort of my cocoon
Only to find myself lost in the myriad of sick people - selfish and drained
and stupid.

Why oh why..

THINK and CHANGE

2010-02-22T18:15:00.001+08:00

too tired.
cannot think.
maybe I'll change my plastic bin later.

till then.

Some Really Cool Stuff!!

2010-02-11T20:38:00.004+08:00

Hey

Looks like I've been updating the page every now and then *cackle*

Now, these cool shoes I found from boongastudio.com
Pwetty coool eyh..

They're pretty much like my old school shoes I used to own but are embellished with fancy colors

And have you ever watched Mojacko cartoon when you were little? Gosh, I used to LOVE the cartoon soooo much! Try listening to the ending song - If My Lover Were An Alien. Kawaii! :))

Because I Do

2010-02-09T21:53:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to all my good, long time friends whom I've come to know during my sheepish school years, who would just never leave me alone! :D A bond so tough that time cannot seem to be able to seep through. Sisterhood.

Oh my good friends.

I didn't really enjoy my early high school. There were always spicy gossips baked by these stupid people about me and some guys. Most of them I never spoke to at all. Sigh. And I was the dorky type (library prefect, played in the school orchestra, introverted, hang with my clique and nothing but my clique, hate sports). I enjoyed a secured circle with few members that sometimes people think that I'm very hard to come close to. People sometimes have to get through my friends to get to me. Yeah, I'm that protected. I didn't really mix that well with boys until I was the class money-keeper. I was forced to go around and ask people for some ka-ching! It was fun, though. Haha.

Ainil has always been the silent type. But nudge her not, for she has the fang of the lioness and the eye of a hungry dragon. She's my all-time favorite adviser - indeed, one who's very good with words. One who thinks before she acts. The wise one.

Isma is a more lay-back type. People from all the creeks and lanes know her. She's famous! Her dad owns a business very close to my primary school and Isma used to help her dad at the lot. Isma is caring and motherly and speak like a bird. NOT that she chirps, but her voice is just so soft and friendly. No wonder she made a lot of friends! Ah.

Norli and Nong. Norli will fly to me whenever I'm in need. No matter where or when. She's always there with her weird ideas. A good companion for a good day laugh. Nong is more serious in her words and doings. She can dig your head into the sand hill if she wanted to. One who loves thrillers to the max.

How I miss you people..

Good friends are really hard to come by these days..

When the End is Near

2010-02-08T19:20:00.001+08:00

When time brings us to a place called future, when the physique is growing faster than the soul, when we are deemed mature enough to leave the comfort nest..now is the most appropriate time to scream and wail and frown in disbelief.

Armageddon has stricken and it's time for a new world to emerge.

It gives me a lot of grief and anxiety to ponder the responsibility these tiny shoulders would bear in a year time. It is never easy to carry the white coat, to swish around and manage people when we are ourselves..miserable and inadequate. So much competition in the market that somehow makes me wonder whether or not I am fit enough to be a good competitor.

Good luck, my people. May our path be eased.

Let's Buy Definition!

2010-02-02T21:35:00.007+08:00

A lot is happening recently. Tok was admitted to the hospital this morning. The ambulance came to fetch her. She had this progressive bipedal edema up her ankle joints, and severe pain in both her knees that rendered her bed-ridden since..well, since I got back a week ago. She was losing her appetite, refused to eat to almost anything. Bed sores were eating her flesh away and left hyperpigmented scars once they dried up. I gave her a good massage every now and then. There was fixed flexion deformity of both the knees and gross varus deformity. Very suggestive of OA, really. Everyone was really worried! Mama decided to get her to the hospital to put her on drips, fearing of dehydration. Pak Njang stayed with Tok and by evening Tok is already improving! - with a good dose of diuretics and excellent pain management, I believe. She is strong enough to feed by her own now. They wanted to refer her to the Orthopedics Team, though I bet they might just resort to conservative treatment, Tok is already 92 years old!

And Mama is not feeling too well. She complained of sudden onset of spinning sensation of the surrounding, position-related. Sounded very much like a BPPV case so I reminded her to pay a visit to the ENT specialist. Indeed, being clinically diagnosed as BPPV, she was prescribed with Diazepam, Chlorperazine and something else I couldn't remember and was given MC for a week. Symptoms seemed to be improving but she claimed to have peripheral numbness, pain in the neck and around the shoulders. Radicular symptoms. Hmmphh..I took down Davidson from my room, brought it down to my mother and read out loud all the things on dizziness and vertigo when finally came the differential of 'cervical spondylosis'. And Mama kind of think that cervical spondylosis fits her symptoms better. So, I told her during dinner, "..if you want a confirmed diagnosis, maybe you can consult a physician to arrange for an MRI. Even if it's a confirmed case of cervical spondylosis, they would probably just dose you with NSAIDs.."

And Erwan has started his Petronas training, today being his second day at school. Te-hee. So far, so good ey, lad? Hope you're having fun! I miss you dearly.

And with all the extra time I have at hand, surfing the net world has indeed shed me some light of joy! I love clothes, I love good fashion and I totally love shopping!! Here are few snapshots of worldwide incredulous fashionistas!

Oh, and if you have some extra money eager to be spent, do visit this blogshop:
http://theatticcrew.blogspot.com

Till then.

It's Locked la!

2010-01-26T15:46:00.003+08:00

I hereby, have officially completed all the 5 minor postings *curtain closed.drumroll please* Let's just pray no one needs a replay of the orchaestra *pray*pray*

And so we had a lunch-out, me and Pikah and Jauhara and Puteri. Aimi wasn't together with us (sadly) - we lost each other in the war, obviously and we came in wounded and torn and we tried hard to mend each others' oozing scar. Hehe. Next, this thing about Rhesus that's yet to be fixed.

I am no car-enthusiast. But I did send the car for the scheduled services, balloon the tires when it feels too rocky on the road but today, I accidentally locked the steering. I'm not sure how did it happen. It wasn't me! I just make a few turns of the steering when the engine was already off when suddenly there was a quick thud and the steering went jammed. It won't budge. All frantic and fidgeting I dialled Ayah's. A long ring indeed before he finally picked up and sounded agitated. It was 2.30pm and obviously he got patients to attend to. I don't think he gets what I was saying and just asked me to contact the Toyota people and bug them instead. It was too hot and I was frustrated with the kedegilan of the car so I pulled off the key, secured the sun shield and collected my thrashes at the back. Locked the car and headed up to my room.

And do nothing but complained to Erwan about Rhesus. Sigh.

when girls get together

2010-01-18T21:05:00.003+08:00

Being architectured with XX chromosomes certainly made us, the women, blessed with a myriad of talents. Our limbs are created to withstand long hours of strain. The physique might cry due to overwhelming workload but the wail never reach to our senses. Thus, we make damn good housewives. To care for the homies. To love. And to shop till you drop.

Women are also delicate in their very being. It's an essence..a-must ingredient to perfect the flavor. Men would think we are difficult to understand. Complicated, they say. No one has promised life to be an easy ride, no? Make a few steps back and pay heed. That's all that you need. We are no more complicated than you guys are, I assure you.

Some girls are more sensitive than the others. A little few is a little over the edge and would whine to almost any tiny rocks impeding their way. Some girls think too much whilst the others barely think at all. We should not be worried of things that are beyond our control. Thus, we pray. Do not ever blame yourselves when things take a wrongful turn. Maybe that's the best thing that could happen to you, miracles come in many forms, you see. Never give up hope when the world is crushing down on you. Maybe the heaven is yet to be built thereafter.

So, open up the very palms of your hands..and be thankful :)

Anak-anak Kecil

2010-01-08T07:41:00.003+08:00

The threesome. My nieces and nephew.

Ini Aisyah Amira..adorable.

This is my big brother, who's really big (at least in the belly) with his baby girl, Kiasatina Qaisarah.

Serafina Rose (Kak Yasmin's baby girl) and Abang Ehsan's super-cute baby daughter.

Saya nak balik rumah la!

The Plague

2010-01-03T19:03:00.002+08:00

It must be a gift. It may be a talent. The perks that drown women in the sea of ecstasy and transient satiety. The great power it is, to be able to tame the wild lust. Just by being a SHOP-A-HOLIC.

I never labeled myself as one, you see. Heck, I think the word is too BIG, I have always imagined people as spoiled as Paris Hilton to be the ones eligible enough to be tagged so. But considering my daily habit of browsing blogshop every now and then have gotten me to withdraw my stand. I’m a certified cheapskate. I never turn down a good bargain which by far have gotten my wardrobe swollen with all the un-needed apparels. Erwan understands well. A quick shook but without a word has always been his kind remarks.

I have by far, bought a cropped cardigan, and a ¾ denim-lined top, 3 headscarves (2 shawls and a pashmina) online. And another sleeveless pink top reserved. I need a new closet.

God, please help me stop this insanity.

Oh, and if you still haven’t noticed, I’ve deactivated my facebook account *points to Erwan* Haha. I’d like to remain dormant being a public reclusive for a while (ignorance is bliss, no?).
Oh, anyway..for the kaki shopping out there, maybe you wanna check these out *wink*wink*

http://colorscarfbyriqa.blogspot.com
http://shoppinggazebo.blogspot.com/

P/S: Wish me luck for my Radiology posting this coming 2 weeks.